E-mails to Alice
by jewelia1
Summary: She e-mailed Alice everything that happened to her but didn't get a response. Death, tragedy, betrayal, loss does Alice really not care? Will Bella be able to survive or will she give up a life she should never have had to live?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight *sigh* saying that is depressing**

**WARNING EVENTS IN THIS STORY ARE NOT THE SAME AS IN THE BOOK!**

**This story is not all e-mails I promise.**

* * *

Your brother left me and now I'm broken.

I get up in the mornings and do what I am supposed to do so I don't scare Charlie, but the pain is unbearable.

Day 1

* * *

Alice, it hurts to type your name and I'm crying now.

Your brother isn't the only one who hurt me, and you didn't even say goodbye.

I hope you still have this e-mail and I'm not talking to a random stranger addicted to the computer.

I understand if you don't answer me, but why did you leave me?

Day 2

* * *

Alice, it is the third day since I started e-mailing you and started living my nearly pointless life.

There is a giant hole in my chest and it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before.

You all did this to me, why?

Was I not good enough for y'all?

Did I do something wrong?

* * *

Alice it has been four days since I started e-mailing you.

I went to the movies with Jessica and it was horrible.

I miss you I want my best friend back.

Are you there?

* * *

Alice, I still can't think of you without crying it has been five days and it's only getting worse.

I am not mad at you but why did you leave?

Is it the same reason as _him?_

Am I just a distraction?

Does _HE_ know about the e-mails?

* * *

Alice, I laughed for the first time in months.

I went to Jacob Black's house the boy who told me about you guys.

He is just a friend but he helped with the pain for the day, but it came back.

Day 6

* * *

Alice, it has been seven days.

I miss you and I miss Esme she is like my mother and I love

Her. She hurt me when ya'll left will you tell her for me?

Ask her why I wasn't good enough of a daughter for her to keep?

* * *

Alice tonight I figured something out it sounds crazy maybe it is

,but when I do something reckless or stupid I can hear _his_ voice perfectly.

It is the only link I have to all of you.

A voice in my head.

Day 9

* * *

Alice, I still cry when I think about ya'll.

The hallucinations of _HIM _are fading.

The motorcycles aren't working anymore and I'm falling apart.

Day 10

* * *

**About two months later**

Alice, it has been nearly two months.

Jacob left me.

There was a pain in my chest that felt like

I was falling apart, but now there is another.

I keep telling myself that it is not as bad as when all of you left

me but it is bad enough.

* * *

Alice it is now the two month mark.

Jacob left and is now part of a gang in La Push led by Sam Uley.

The thing is Jake was afraid of them before.

Sam says Jacob can't be my friend.

I need some guidance from you, will you help me?

* * *

Alice, it has been two months and one day.

Jacob snuck into my room early this morning to apologize.

I figured something out, Jacobs a werewolf.

It wasn't much of a shock when I found out what all of you were because I knew there was something different about ya'll,

but Jacob was just my normal HUMAN friend.

Are all of my friends not so mythical creatures?

Maybe Angela is a witch?

* * *

Alice it has been two months and two days since I started e-mailing you.

Maybe you won't respond maybe you will.

Maybe I am talking to some random person who probably by now thinks I'm crazy.

Maybe I am.

* * *

Alice Victoria is back she keeps trying to get to me but the pack won't let her.

Alice I know I've asked this before but why did you leave?

Why didn't you say goodbye?

Why haven't you responded?

Alice, I'm lonely and depressed.

Sure I have Jacob and the rest of the pack, but they're not the ones I really want to be with.

Alice I want my family back.

You stole my family when y'all left.

_HE _took my sisters, my brothers, my parents, my friends... My family.

I still cry when I think about you ya know.

* * *

Alice, I miss you terribly.

Can you tell Jasper I'm not mad at him at all, it was never his fault, that he is still my brother if he wants to be?

Can you tell Emmett I miss my big teddy bear brother that has no common sense,

doesn't understand sarcasm, and always finds away to make me blush?

Can you tell Rosalie that I miss her, that in a way I looked up to her?

She was like a sister to me.

Alice, can you tell _him _that even though he said he didn't love me anymore that he always has a place in my heart,

and no matter what he thinks he has a soul, and that I hope he finds someone he wants to be with forever?

* * *

Alice, my life has officially fell apart.

I'm freaking out Alice!

I was at Billy Black's house when he got a phone call.

Victoria got through the pack and... Jacob he...he was murdered.

When I heard the news I rushed home ( I was crying and you know how fast my truck goes) but I was to late.

Victoria had already left my house, but Charlie was, he was killed Alice,Victoria killed him. I can still see him laying dead in a puddle of blood, his body barely recognizable. It was as if she tortured him.

What do I do now Alice?

What do I do?

* * *

Alice, Renee and Phil were in a car crash.

They didn't make it.

Alice I am completely lost now.

My blood relatives are gone.

My family left me my last friend is gone.

I don't like being alone.

Alice what if Victoria comes back for me what would I do?

Alice can't you all, or one of you, come back and help me?

* * *

Alice it has been two months and six days.

Today is Charlie's funeral and tomorrow is Jake's, and the next day is Renee and Phil's.

They found out Renee was pregnant when she died. A baby girl.

I was going to be a sister.

Since I'm officially an adult I can live by myself and Charlie left me the house,

but I don't know if I want to stay here alone with all the memories of the people I lost.

Why can't all of you come back and help me?

I want my best friend back, I want my sisters back, I want my mom and dad back, and I want my brothers back.

Can't ya'll come and wake me from this nightmare?

I still cry when I think of you, I've been crying a lot lately.

Please won't all of you come help me I'm a complete mess with no one left to turn to?

* * *

Alice, it has been two months and seven days.

The reason I'm still living is based on the fact that ya'll are still out there and the small hope that ya'll will come help me.

Maybe I should give up.

Should I give up Alice, Maybe all of you won't come?

I will wait a month at the most but I don't know how much more I can take of this.

* * *

Alice, it has been two months and eight days, and I'm still waiting to see if all of you come hut i don't think i can wait a whole month.

It would be easy.

Take a knife to my wrist, take a whole bottle of pills, or even hang a noose in my closet.

Just like that all of this would be over.

Every night i have to fight to go to sleep.

I have nightmares of Victoria finding me, torturing me until I beg for the mercy of death.

I dream of Jake and Charlie's deaths with me helpless on the sidelines only able to scream as I watch.

Nightmares of Renee and my unborn sister blaming me for their death for ruining their lives.

The only thing that keeps me from doing one of those things is the thought that ya'll might be coming.

Alice, are ya'll coming?

* * *

**AN: This story has already been published on my old account ailewej. I am unable to access that account so I am reposting, editing, changing, and finishing this story. It will have the same plot but with some minor differences. If you want to cheat and read the other story I promise you it will not be the same and the ultimate ending will be different so there is no use for you to read ahead! Please Review ~ jewelia1 AKA ailewej**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alice's P.O.V.**

Ever since we let Edward convince us to leave Bella because, "it wasn't safe for her", it hasn't been the same.

Esme doesn't design anything and she doesn't chastise us for anything we do.

Carlisle hasn't gotten a job at a hospital and he won't read or write anything all he does is sit and mope in his desk chair with Esme the life visibly gone from their eyes.

Emmett is well Emmett but he's different now.

He doesn't joke about anything, he hasn't challenged anyone to an arm wrestling match, he hasn't even smiled, and he doesn't even make love with Rose any more. He just paces around grumbling about what a failure of a brother he is.

Rosalie hasn't criticized anyone or even looked in the mirror since we left Bella.

She just keeps mumbling things about how she should have been nicer to Bella while she had the chance.

Jasper, can't handle being here with all these emotions.

All he does is sit there and stare at the wall and try not to breakdown on the floor and roll up into a ball and scream. Its killing him. He knows it was his actions that set this in motion, but he wont leave me, and he won't leave the family. So he just suffers in silence.

And me I haven't gone shopping since that day, and if you know me at all that's saying something. I spend my time fighting off the need to check into her future.

Right now I'm just sitting on mine and Jaspers bed staring at a picture of me and him on our second honeymoon wishing everything would change so we could as be as happy as we are in the picture. Now we look like strangers in comparison. Our dead eyes black from hunger and our bodies pale from grief.

I sat there like a statue for who knows how long when I heard an annoying beeping come from my computer.

I probably would have left it if the beeping wasn't so annoying.

I sighed and got off the bed to turn off the computer, but when I saw who the screen I saw it was an e-mail from.

Bella!

I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my squeal.

I walked out the doorway to make sure no one was there then closed it and sat down by the computer.

Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to have anything to do with Bella I couldn't help but take a peak.

* * *

_Your brother left me and now I'm broken._

_I get up in the mornings and do what I am supposed to do so I don't scare Charlie, but the pain is unbearable._

_Day 1_

* * *

Hearing that Bella was in pain broke my dead unbeating heart.

I decided that I would write a response but not send it so I wrote

_Dear Bella,_

_I know I left you and I'm so sorry._

_I can hardly stand the fact that you're in pain._

_I'm so sorry Bella._

_Who loves you dearly?_

_Alice_

I wished so badly that I could just run to her a reassure her and tell her that everything is fine that she is fine that we love her.

I knew I couldn't though and the thought broke me and sent me spiraling into a deep set of dry sobs.

_**The next day**_

I was still sobbing when I heard my computer beep again.

I looked up to see another e-mail from Bella.

I got up and made sure no one was around to see me.

When I saw the coast was clear I ran to the computer and opened the e-mail.

* * *

_Alice, it hurts to type your name and I'm crying now._

_Your brother isn't the only one who hurt me, and you didn't even say goodbye._

_I hope you still have this e-mail and I'm not talking to a random stranger addicted to the computer._

_I understand if you don't answer me, but why did you leave me?_

_Day 2_

* * *

It hurt me so much knowing that she was crying over just the mention of my name so I wrote:

_Dearest Bella,_

_Please don't cry._

_I didn't say goodbye because I deluded myself into thinking it would be easier for you to let go this way._

_Deep down though I knew that you wouldn't, and I'm so sorry I hurt you._

_Who loves you dearly?_

_Alice_

_**The next day**_

The next day I was a little more out going than I had been but that wasn't saying much.

Jasper and I had gone hunting today, but when we came home Jasper went write back to the way he was before.

I had decided to do something a little more productive with myself and started to tidy up the house when my computer beeped.

It was another e-mail from Bella.

I was so excited.

Even though I knew Bella was in pain and the e-mail was most likely to

make me cry tearless sobs I was just happy that she trusted me enough to try and contact me,

and also it reassured me that she was okay. Or as okay as she could be.

I went through my new routine of checking to make sure no one was

There, closed the door and quietly but swiftly crept to my desk.

Bella's e-mail was write in front of me and I opened it and began to sob as I swiftly read through it.

* * *

_Alice, it is the third day since I started e-mailing you and started living my nearly pointless life._

_There is a giant hole in my chest and it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before._

_You all did this to me, why?_

_Was I not good enough for y'all?_

_Did I do something wrong?_

* * *

Once again my dead heart broke.

I knew she was in pain but I didn't realize it was that bad.

I hate that we make her feel like she isn't good enough if anything we are not good enough for her.

I wrote:

_Beloved Bella,_

_Even though it may feel like it your life is not pointless there are people_

_who love you dearly and would die if anything happened to you._

_Bella you can't even imagine how bad I feel for making_

_you hurt and unworthy you really can't and I'm sorry truly truly sorry._

_We did this to you because that idiotic bastard convinced us_

_it wold be safer. We shouldn't have listened I am so sorry._

_Who loves you dearly?_

_Alice_

_**The next day**_

It went about the same way today as it has every other day.

Everyone just sat and moped around and morned for the loss of a sister and daughter.

I still mope around though not as much knowing that I am still a small part of her life.

Hearing form Bella no matter how sad the news is has perked me up a little bit.

Today I actually changed close and took a shower then I tidied up the house even though it wasn't the least bit messy.

After I cleaned every where I could think of I went to sit by the computer and wait for Bella's e-mail to arrive.

Just as I sat down my computer beeped signaling me I had gotten an e-mail.

I knew nobody would be coming up to my room so I just opened it.

* * *

_Alice it has been four days since I started e-mailing you._

_I went to the movies with Jessica and it was horrible._

_I miss you I want my best friend back._

_Are you there?_

* * *

I was happy that she had gotten out and went some where fun but it made me jealous that it was with somebody other than me, and why was it horrible. Did something happen?

I replied:

_Beloved Bella,_

_I'm glad you finally got out Bella but I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy yourself. Did something happen?_

_You might find this silly but I'm kinda jealous of Jessica right now for getting to hang out with you when I can't._

_I miss you too and so does everyone else._

_Trust me even though you have no reason to. I want my best friend back also._

_Who loves you the most?_

_Alice_

_**The next day**_

My day went exactly like it did yesterday.

I got in the shower got dressed and cleaned up the house then as soon as

I sat down by the computer to wait it started beeping and I opened the e-mail

* * *

_Alice, I still can't think of you without crying it has been five days and it's only getting worse._

_I am not mad at you but why did you leave?_

_Is it the same reason as him?_

_Am I just a distraction?_

_Does HE know about the e-mails?_

* * *

What does she mean? She knows we left to protect her right? Why would she think she was a distraction?

_Beloved Bella,_

_It still hurts me to know that you are in pain and that you are crying over me._

_I left because HE convinced me to and I'm so happy your not mad at_

_Me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm mad at myself._

_And no HE doesn't know about the e-mails I had promised I wouldn't interfere with your life. You are not a distraction I don't even know why you would think that._

W_ho loves you the most?_

_Alice_

_**The next day**_

* * *

_Alice, I laughed for the first time in months._

_I went to Jacob Black's house the boy who told me about you guys._

_He is just a friend but he helped with the pain for the day, but it came back._

_Day 6_

* * *

I was happy that Bella was somewhat starting to get better

and I was very grateful for this Jacob Black for helping her,

but I was still sad that she was in pain.

_Beloved Bella,_

_You don't know how happy it makes me to know that you have found something that makes you happy in your life._

_I'm glad you met this Jacob Black, but how did he know about us?_

_I'm glad your not in as much pain but I'm sorry it came back._

_I miss you._

_Who loves you the most?_

* * *

_Alice_.

_Alice, it has been seven days._

_I miss you and I miss Esme she is like my mother and I love_

_Her. She hurt me when ya'll left will you tell her for me?_

_Ask her why I wasn't good enough of a daughter for her to keep?_

* * *

That was when I decided I would tell somebody about these e-mails.

I slowly descended the stairs, and even though I knew they could hear me no one looked up to acknowledge my presence.

I went over to Esme and tapered her on the shoulder she looked up and tried to plaster a smile on her face for me but she couldn't do it the pain was just to much for her.

She had lost a child when she was human that was the reason she jumped off that damn cliff in the first place so now we all knew she was feeling the loss of a child again, but she had a family now and no way to escape this torture.

I signaled for her to follow me. She gave me a confused look but abided.

She stood up from her place in Carlisle's lap and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

I could tell Carlisle was hesitant to let her go considering the slightest thing could send Esme head first spiraling into a never ending pained cry with tears that would never shed, but let her go knowing I would look out for her. He gave me a warning look letting me know I better not hurt his mate.

I took her hand and sprinted into the forest until we were a good ten miles out so that nobody would hear us.

"Alice what is this about?" Esme asked.

"Esme I have to tell you something." I paused to take a breath."Esme for the past week I have been receiving E-mails from Bella. She has been telling me everything that has been going on every day I haven't responded because I promised Edward but I have been saving my responses as drafts and today she wanted me to tell you that she misses you that you were a mother to her and that you hurt her when you left, when we all left, and wants to know why she wasn't a good enough daughter for you." I took in a big unneeded breath I didn't stop once through that whole confession. I looked up at Esme and she had venom in her eyes in place of the tears that would never shed.

"She misses me," Esme asked. She fell down to her knees and let out an agonized cry.

"Of course did you expect anything less?"

"I can't believe I left her, that I didn't even say goodbye. I don't deserve to be a mother. A mother would never abandon her child like I have. Would never make her child feel as if she wasn't good enough."

Esme asked me everything she had said.

I told her everything and by the time I was done she was dry-sobbing.

We comforted each other holding onto one another as if we were the others life line. We stayed like that for hours before we could gather the strength to go back and face the emptiness that was our life now.

It was dark by the time we got back I went to the computer and wrote my response to Bella.

_Beloved Bella,_

_I told Esme, she misses you too._

_Who loves you the most?_

_Alice_

* * *

An: Sorry about all the line breaks but it refuses to let me save it with a bunch of blank spaces so if I don't put the lines it just all mashes together!


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